A veteran finding his way on campus
When I first stepped onto campus in August of 2018, I was fresh off a trip to declutter my mind in Arizona. With my tanned skin, sandals, and oversized hoodie, I arrived at my first class of the semester. I soon found myself puking my guts out, wishing I would have never agreed to go back to college.
After five years in the Navy, I felt like a failure. I did what I was told and made the rank of E-5, was awarded my warfare pins, qualified in everything I could, traveled to over 20 countries, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to make the navy a career but in one night, everything changed. As my final deployment in the Mediterranean was winding down, I was counting down my days to shore duty. After a night watch on my gun mount, I made my way to the smoke deck for some quiet time to reflect on the day’s work. Passing the typical smokers, I made my way to the dark corner, making sure to not be downwind of the smokers. Little did I know, this would be the downfall of my naval career. He was in the shadows unbeknownst to me. He took every sense of security away from me. I questioned what it meant to be a man, and should I even feel? Nobody ever taught me how I should be feeling.
After failed relationships, missed career opportunities and feeling lost, I found Monmouth College. On the drive home after a failed relationship, I took a detour and ended up on the corner of the Admissions Office. As I drove past the CSB and Wallace Hall, I hoped that this place could be a new beginning for me.
With my first semester under my belt and meeting Professor Andre Audette of the Political Science Department here at Monmouth, I became much more comfortable with the campus. I soon became a Political Science major and continued with my studies. I began to wonder what I could do to put myself out there and meet others. I found that in our men’s tennis team and more importantly, I finally was a part of something bigger than myself. As the season went on, I liked the idea of being a part of a team, but I couldn’t relate to the guys. I didn’t want to be that disgruntled veteran that you hear about, hating everything around him and talking about the younger guys but that was me. I didn’t want to be around me so why would anyone else? I was struggling to figure out the Veterans Affair system, making doctor appointments and finding someone who was willing to listen to me. I had so much to say but no one to listen to me. I needed someone who was willing to listen to me and help me understand what had happened to me. As 2018 went on, I lost more friends to suicide. One a month, three a month, eventually making the total over a dozen within the year. I couldn’t figure out what was going; why didn’t any of them not reach out to me? Was I in my own little college bubble and out of the loop? I, like many other veterans, used alcohol as a coping mechanism and soon found out that you can only drink so many .50 cent rum and cokes before your liver begins to hate you.
As my junior year began this past fall, I decided to come into the semester with a different mentality. I still struggle with PTS, I’m uncertain about what the future has in store for me but I’m much more positive. I want to make the campus of Monmouth College much more military friendly. I want Admiral Stockdale to be known for more than just sharing the name of the place that you go to eat cafeteria food. We have a whole section of the CSB dedicated to veterans that went off to fight on foreign shores but what about the veterans that are back home and currently attending? Why is Monmouth College not in any military-friendly magazines as a place for veterans to attend?
Illinois has two major military installations, yet we have a very low veteran student rate. Why are there no flag poles displaying our appreciation, letting future Scots know that the college is dedicated to the success of those who sacrificed to be able to obtain the G.I. Bill? I do not want or need a pat on my back as a thank you for my service, but I would like to see the college take steps forward to be more attractive to future veteran students. We have amazing professors on this campus and I truly believe that veterans from all branches can find a place here at Monmouth.
Jory Masterman - Contributing Writer